From Bickel:
"Use it up. Wear it out. Make it do or do without."
It makes a lot of sense. Mister cliche head says nothing lasts forever. But why can't it? Why haven't we created a perfume that lingers for a week or gum that retains flavor for 24 hours +. I just want to know if the L four letter word can really last. I wanna know how marriage feels- the good and the bad, the hopeless and hopeful states. I want to be on good terms with the boy and have the will power in all circumstances to be the kind, caring person I was before I met him. I'm not sure why I lose it sometimes and why I allow myself to believe the garbage he persuasively puts in my head. There's really only 2 choices, simple as that. It is our choice to make it thrive or surrender its ashes. It really has only been almost a month. I think we can do better than that, however I usually am not the one with the cold feet. Help me help him believe again.
"You can punish him for misbehaving but you can't make him behave."
All this time the wonderful woman that gave birth to me has undergone scrutiny of her personal parenting practices. She has been yelled at and ridiculed. Yet I have watched her supply her life to her son-to the extent than many mothers have not dreamed of doing. I am not sure that harsh and extreme punishment would have steered him on the right path. Children make a path as they grow...these paths involve decisions that parents sometimes cannot be a part of- during peer pressure experimentation, during the moments when they slave away working to provide for that child. All I am saying is it sounds like they are making headway to steadier footing. I wish I could find out what little brother revealed as his deep and disturbing, sinful past. I wanna know. I wanna help.
Thank YOU for this day, and for the restful morning to be had
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