i don't know how

I can love you perpetually (deep down) but all together hate you so fucking much right now. I'm so over my good manners and genuine compliments directed your way. SCUM SCUM DUMB CUM. I am pretty sure the next time I see you it will be to say goodbye, no more of this game-that's not much of a game at all, but a cold blooded battle. A struggle where baby innocent and holy mice are burned to cinder out of pure enjoyment and peer acknowledgement. Feelings, pride, respect, overridden for selfish arrogance. People who are unaware and untrue in execution of their actions don't deserve the good things they abuse. 

I can't believe in who you've become. My refusal to fight that person who wants to take over your body when I'm present is inevitable. And I won't, I can't. It's only a matter of days, hours, minutes that will pass. As they transpire the silence that subsides all temporary pain will grow to a murmur. Next a mellow growl and eventually a formidable roar. You seriously DISGUST me -as do the countless dreams of disloyalty that I cannot control. But you have no idea because I keep them to myself.

You only hear the good things from my lips. the mature apologies. the outreach of positive communication. well it's my turn to speak, so shut up. and it's a spoken language I won't stuff deep down for the sake of reckless pacification. 

I'd rather host an abandoned cavity with an empty soul, than rotten fake-ass baggage. 

Good luck with your future, I don't see myself in it.